| For those lacking a decent dictionary, allow me to edify | | | | 2. Quitching: protagonists attempt to outwit their |
| you on the derivation of the term 'martial'; which is: an | | | | opponents, employing techniques such as fiendishly |
| adjectival form derived from the appellation of the | | | | feinting by making sudden involuntary movements, |
| Roman god of war, Mars. | | | | somewhat in the Bruce Lee style, without the |
| As a form of sport or exercise, it serves as training | | | | accompanying cries from the solar plexus. Quoted by |
| for warfare. Being ruled astrologically by the planet | | | | Montaigne as, "I have seen men .. that would neither |
| Mars, it's a term applied to 'venomous animals, or plants | | | | cry out, twitch nor quitch, for a good swinging beating." |
| with violently active properties'!An authority recently | | | | 3. Quelming: an ancient, extremely hard form indulged in |
| described 170 different forms of the martial arts, | | | | by "chyldren, and fornycatours" aiming to torment, kill, or |
| ranging from Aikido to Zendo, maintaining new ones | | | | destroy. Sadly, the techniques were expurgated as |
| were invented virtually every week by some | | | | being too violent for general public consumption. |
| self-styled master who had either rediscovered some | | | | 4. Vezon : a particularly enigmatic form defined by the |
| long lost art in an obscure backwater, or had devised | | | | OED as - "meaning obscure" - quoted by Ward as |
| some ingenious use for a hitherto unused body part. | | | | "Look, look, Joan, how the Vezons fight. Who'd think |
| The arts covered every letter of the alphabet, apart | | | | they were so full of Spite?" |
| from E, Q, V, and X. Accordingly, I have striven to | | | | 5. Xenelasy: a particularly effective Spartan method to |
| render complete this lexicon of the martial arts">martial | | | | be employed for when we Brits reinvade in order to |
| arts. After many years of undertaking diligent research | | | | re-educate you in the correct conventions of spelling |
| in the snowy mountain fastnesses of Japan, the rain | | | | and pronunciation. Meaning 'to drive away', it employs a |
| forests of Borneo, and the nether regions of Nana | | | | variety of free-forms and is the martial art par |
| Plaza, Bangkok, I have rediscovered the missing arts, | | | | excellence to be used for the expulsion of foreigners. |
| which I have pleasure in presenting to novelty-seeking | | | | Incidentally, don't bother to try and find these names of |
| martial arts' aficionados for your delectation. They are | | | | martial arts in condensed dictionaries like Webster's or |
| as follows: | | | | Frank and Wagnall's, they're taken from the Bible of |
| 1. Ebrangling: an exclusive, particularly hard form | | | | the English Language, the Oxford English Dictionary. |
| indulged in by edentulous geriatrics in order to effatuate | | | | Likewise, the internet won't offer you any |
| their opponents. Simply put, the toothless-ancients | | | | enlightenment on the modus operandi, or access to the |
| dismount from their Zimmer frames, shuffle, | | | | dojos where these forms are practised, either, and I'm |
| successfully grapple, and ultimately clench their | | | | keeping the techniques secret in the interests of world |
| partners in a bear hug, violently shaking them so as to | | | | peace. SEO Solutions and publicity services provided |
| render them besotted, dull or stupid. | | | | by LinkAcquire. |