Verbal Aikido: 7 Ways To Handle Difficult Customers

ive complaint resolution seminars, I demonstrate theThis is done through evasive movements, body shifting,
martial art Aikido and offer it as a strategy forand leverage. Taking this to a verbal level, you’d
diffusing anger. I began teaching this unconventionaltake a customer’s intensity and sense of
approach to managing conflict after having my breathurgency and use that to your advantage with a reply
taken away as I watched Steven Segal effortlesslylike: “No question, we’ve messed up. Getting
defeat his opponents without violence or aggression into the bottom of this is just as important to me as it is
half a dozen of his movies. Aikido is a nonviolentto you.” Instead of letting the customer’s
martial art that never meets force with force and canintimidation tactics negatively impact you, you turn that
be applied to conflict situations with demanding, irate orenergy back at the customer by pacing his actions.
unreasonable customers. (I’ve personally applied4. Aikidoists blend with their opponent’s energy.
Aikido to situations with customers, employees andIn Aikido, this looks as if you move toward your
co-workers.) Using the principles of Aikido, you too canopponent and then change places with them. In a
diffuse anger and demonstrate amazing control oververbal attack, blending with your customer is finding
all aspects of verbal attacks.common ground with the customer. You can blend
People using “verbal aikido” can respond towith your angry customer by listening with a sincere
heated situations directly and assertively without beingintent to understand their pain, frustration and needs
pulled into the drama of the battle and they can lay theand then responding with empathy. The knowledge
foundation for win-win resolutions that maintain theyou gain from listening to your customer becomes
customer’s loyalty — even with angryyour force and positions you to redirect the energy in
customers. Here are 6 Aikido principles that will helpa productive direction. Once you’ve blended
you more effectively respond to anger.with the customer, that is, once you truly understand
1. An Aikidoist strategically calms down the attack. Thisthe customer’s situation, the attack can be
is done by both the use of relaxed body posture andneutralized and redirected.
open hands. Verbal attacks from irate customers also5. Aikido students learn to turn with their
need the same calming strategy. In Aikido, the masteropponent’s force and let that force go past
will step aside rather than confront the attack. Thisthem. When we respond to angry customers in this
takes the power and speed out of the attack andway, we’re able to keep our cool when
allows the master to stay centered and calm. Whencustomers get hot. We don’t get caught up in
you respond to your customer with “Clearly,the emotion of anger. Instead, we allow the customer
we’ve upset you and getting to the bottom ofto express his feelings and we don’t take
this is just as important to me as it is to you.” angercomments personally and we don’t allow our
begins to dissipate. You’ve addressed thefeelings (anger, rejection, offense) to control our
anger directly and non defensively and youresponses.
haven’t been pulled into the drama of the6. An Aikido Master never seeks to kill his opposition.
attack.When we transfer this principle to customer service
2. Aikido never meets force with force. In fact, theresituations, we realize that our goal is to never hang up
are no direct attacks and very little striking or kicking.on a customer, blow a customer off, or “fire” a
When dealing with angry customers it is natural todifficult customer. Our goal is to find more diplomatic
respond to an attack with an attack. If the customerways to communicate and reach win win resolutions.
yells, we escalate our voice. When the attack gets7. In Aikido, all opponents are considered partners.
personal, we become defensive and less willing toThink of your angry customer as your partner and let
work with the customer. While we may feel justified inthis mindset direct you to use interactive dialogue to
launching our attack because we’ve beenwork with your customer to solve the problem. Try to
attacked, we must realize that a defensive (forceful)not resist or coerce your “partner.” Work with
response only escalates the original problem.your partner, talk with your partner, and seek solutions
Let’s learn from the Aikido masters and notthat benefit the customer and the company.
attack back defensively. Instead, we will respondApplying the principles of Aikido to difficult situations
carefully and strategically.with unhappy customers allows you to maintain
3. Aikido emphasizes quick, decisive movements thatcomposure and control, and effectively diffuse anger.
are designed to use the attacker's force against him.