| There's a saying in aikido, "There are many lessons on | | | | where I was. I had a lane. He explained that he really |
| the mat." It means that when we're practicing aikido | | | | liked his lane because there were no jets gushing |
| we're not just learning aikido, we're also learning about | | | | water into the pool. The jets are very strong and |
| life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist too | | | | bother him. The lane he was in - the lane I usually swim |
| hard and I get angry but don't say anything, I eventually | | | | in - doesn't have them. Aha! I say to myself. He doesn't |
| learn that it would be more useful to ask him not to | | | | get into my lane just to annoy me. He dislikes the other |
| grab so hard. I may also notice that it's difficult for me | | | | lanes. And now he's trying to give me the "good" lane. |
| to ask for what I want in other places in my life, that I | | | | What a nice person! |
| suffer needlessly because of it, and that I blame others | | | | Lesson #2: It's not always about me. |
| and justify my blaming instead of taking action. Many | | | | The Benefit of the Doubt. |
| lessons . . . | | | | A third lesson from the pool is that people surprise me |
| I swim daily and notice that I have a new saying, similar | | | | if I let them. Recently I got into the hot tub ("many |
| to the aikido one, that goes "There are many lessons | | | | lessons in the hot tub") to relax after my swim. There |
| in the pool." Every day I seem to have another internal | | | | was a man in there swishing his legs back and forth |
| learning adventure. | | | | really hard, churning the water into waves. I closed my |
| An example of this is the lane partner dilemma. Some | | | | eyes and leaned against the edge of the tub and tried |
| swimmers are easy and quiet as they cut through the | | | | to mellow out. Impossible. I opened my eyes and |
| water; others splash. Some swim straight and stay in | | | | looked at him, hoping he would see that he was |
| their own part of the lane, leaving plenty of room. | | | | disturbing me. Oblivious. I closed my eyes again. Getting |
| Others flail and lunge, seemingly unaware that there is | | | | worse. I was practically drowning in the churning hot |
| anyone else around. Just like in aikido, with some | | | | water. I opened my eyes and looked again. Oblivious. I |
| partners cooperation is easy. As if we were dancing, | | | | sighed out loud. Nope. |
| we know the timing and the moves and we flow | | | | Okay, time to either get out of the tub or say |
| easily with each other. With others it's messy, and | | | | something. I remembered that curiosity usually works |
| we're stepping on each other's toes all the time. Ever | | | | better than accusation, and I asked, "Is that an exercise |
| feel this way? At the pool, as in aikido, I find I can | | | | you're doing?" He noticed me and smiled - a really nice |
| make the situation messier or easier depending on my | | | | smile - and said that yes, it was an exercise |
| attitude and actions. | | | | recommended by his doctor. He used to jog, loved |
| Lesson #1: I am given many dance partners in life. | | | | jogging, but his knees could no longer support that |
| Whether the dance is easy or difficult is influenced at | | | | activity. In fact, his knees could barely support walking, |
| least in part by me. | | | | and swimming was one of the few things that helped; |
| Please Pick Another Lane. | | | | the swooshing motion strengthened the ligaments. He |
| Which brings me to Lesson #2. One of the "difficult | | | | went on to talk about jogging, swimming, |
| partners" seems to like to swim with me. I can't figure it | | | | disappointment and his efforts to reinvigorate his knees |
| out. Even when there's an empty lane, he gets in mine. | | | | and stay in shape. What a nice man, I thought. |
| He swims more slowly than I do, so I have to wait for | | | | Lesson #3: People usually have a positive intention. |
| him or double back so as not to "pass" him, which | | | | Give them the benefit of the doubt. |
| we're not allowed to do at our pool. He splashes and | | | | The benefit of the doubt: what does it mean? What |
| his swimming is erratic, his arms swinging way out to | | | | doubt? Well, as I swim up and back and up and back I |
| the side and occasionally accidentally hitting me. When I | | | | think it must mean giving other people the benefit that |
| see him coming I think, Oh no, please pick another lane. | | | | derives from doubting my preconceived notions about |
| But he doesn't. | | | | their motives. Is he really getting in my lane just to |
| One morning I came to the pool late and this | | | | annoy me? Probably not. Is he churning up the water |
| gentleman was already swimming. There was an | | | | to keep others out? I think I'll doubt that assumption and |
| open lane next to his, and I sat on the edge and was | | | | see what happens. |
| doing my warm-ups when he came up for air. He | | | | Usually what happens is that I discover a genuinely |
| looked over and motioned to me that he was getting | | | | nice person behind the fog of my assumptions and |
| out and I could have his lane. I thanked him but stayed | | | | have a really fun swim. |